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“Butter” Part Two



by sjhoward

This is the 45th post. It was published at 11:18 on Monday, 17th November 2003.

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» University









Today I was going through some work with a fellow student (who shall remain nameless), when we decided to go over the possible complications of a pneumothorax, specifically the potential development of a pyohydropneumothorax – essentially when you get air, water and infected pus in your chest. Not nice

But the particular person I was talking to came out with a somewhat surprising response: “What’s pus?”

It occurs to me that written down, this doesn’t seem that funny, but at the time I was uncontrollably laughing, more than I have laughed in a long time. And it reminded me of a certain Monkey and his inability to understand what “buttered” meant. So there you go.

I’ve also been laughing at Arnie taking his official Oath this evening. Nobody can tell me that they weren’t the least bit tickled by Mr Schwarzenegger taking his Governorship Oath in that accent. I’d love to become President one day, just to take my Oath in a funny voice. Who’d support me? Probably the same people who voted for Arnie…

Originally posted on The LBSC

Sex Education



by sjhoward

This is the 44th post. It was published at 11:17 on Sunday, 16th November 2003.

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» University









As a medical student, I have to do a Community Placement. One placement I could be put on is teaching Sex Ed to local school kids . I was discussing with a couple of friends today (both female, as it happens) how you’d go about teaching it. We decided we’d look at some websites. And we were collectively shocked.

I know things are being dumbed down, but really, no wonder teenage pregnancy rates are so high considering some things that people apparently need teaching. Here are some of our findings…

    One website, under common condom mistakes, lists “The condom was put on too late”

  • On the subject of lube – “Lubricant goes on the outside of the condom”
  • On an agony aunt style site – “Can I get pregnant from having a shower with my boyfriend? Rachel, 15″. The answer provided was “Yes”. I would personally suggest that the chances of this are minimal.
  • “It is a good idea for a boy to wash his testicles and penis…after he has had a wet dream.”
  • “Sanitary towels…are worn by a girl inside her panties.”

By far the most disturbing thing we found described homosexuality as “A sickness that was not like smallpox but no less dangerous and contagious. A sickness of the mind.” The only thing comparably disturbing was sites pedalling the fact that condoms do not prevent HIV (an opinion publicly held by the Pope, too, as it happens). Shocking.

Originally posted on The LBSC

Insanity



by sjhoward

This is the 43rd post. It was published at 11:16 on Friday, 14th November 2003.

This post was filed under:
» Reviews









I am building up strong evidence suggesting that the world has, in fact, gone insane. Here are my key findings thus far:

  • BBC Three have decided to axe Liquid News, meaning that it will no longer grace our screens as of next April . Admittedly, it’s never been as good since Christopher Price died, but it has been getting better recently. The two-presenter format clearly doesn’t work, buy Paddy O’Connell’s not a bad presenter on his own – leave him alone and the show works, as was demonstrated when Claudia was off on maternity leave and doing Fame Academy.
  • Celebdaq are removing their £100 Trader of the Week prize, replacing it with “A Selection of Celebdaq merchandise”. But then no-one will want to be Trader of the Week more than once, and the game won’t be as entertaining (or else someone out there will end up with 75 celebdaq mugs)
  • According to a memo I received today, “One hour lectures are designed to last 50 minutes”…
  • …Which is slightly better than the Government’s numeracy hour for school children, which lasts 45 minutes. It’s not the kids that need their numeracy checking!
  • Two headlines from the Sky News site homepage right now: “‘Sorry They Ate Grandad,’ Say Fijians” and “Alluring undies wow New York”

In other news, I’ve been doing about Atrial Fibrillation today, which the more astute readers may realise is what Mr Blair had a few weeks ago . The most common cause? Drinking too much. There’s something to think about.

Also, Mr Blair and Mr Bush makes me smile, cos if you get the ‘l’ in the wrong place it sounds like Mr Bare and Mr Blush. But I seem to be the only person I know who finds that funny…can’t imagine why…

Originally posted on The LBSC

Bridge



by sjhoward

This is the 42nd post. It was published at 11:12 on Thursday, 6th November 2003.

One comment has already been published about this post. You may want to read it, or add your own.

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» University









The new design for the bridge in Stockton has been decided. Five designs were drawn up for the bridge (which will go from the university campus to the other side of the river, where there is currently – well, nothing, actually). These designs were then put to a public vote, via post, phone and online. The overwhelming winner of the vote was design ‘D’. So they’re building design ‘C’. No, I didn’t understand either.

Also, I’d like to take this opportunity to thank the David Lloyd Leisure Club in Stockton. This is basically a very, very nice gym which costs £49 a month to join. Anyone who knows me will be aware that joining a gym is about the last thing on earth that I’m likely to do, but I did invite myself to the members only bonfire night party (along with two female student friends), and enjoyed a complimentary buffet and the waited-on drinks service on the terrace whilst watching the Stockton Festival of Fireworks – defintely the best way to see them (not in a huge, freezing crowd of 100,000 craning their necks to see anything). So thanks, David Lloyd.

Originally posted on The LBSC

Important Announcement



by sjhoward

This is the 41st post. It was published at 11:12 on Wednesday, 5th November 2003.

This post was filed under:
» Headliner









Following confusion over the various trade names for Viagra, the BNF have formally agreed on a new generic name for the drug: Mycoxaflopin.

Originally posted on The LBSC

Appeal



by sjhoward

This is the 40th post. It was published at 11:10 on Tuesday, 4th November 2003.

This post was filed under:
» University









I need celebrities. Well, one actually. We’re looking for four celebrity judges for the MedSoc Christmas Full Monty event . We already have three (I don’t actually know who). These will be responsible for choosing their favourite strip team. There are first year girls vs second year girls, and first year boys vs second year boys…Four teams, apparently going all the way. Just in case you’re worrying, I will be remaining fully clothed throughout the proceedings…I don’t think people need to be subjected to the harrowing image of me naked in public. Oh, it for charity too.

In other news, this melodic rock – Whalter – band aren’t bad (but not brilliant, either). You’ll notice on their website that they’ve just been in our union (The Rocket), which is nice. Unfortunately, I wasn’t there at the same time as them.

There are at least two anecdotes (one that makes me angry, one that made me almost wet myself with laughter) that I can’t, because of patient confidentiality. I think this will be one of THE most depressing things about being a doctor, having gazillions of fantastic stories that you can’t tell anyone :-(

The desk I was sat at today for this morning’s lecture had “Wank Stain” written on it. Just thought that was pretty random.

And here’s a depressing closing thought…Amoung all the students at Durham University, we’re in a total of over £100,000,000 of debt. Great.

Originally posted on The LBSC

Library



by sjhoward

This is the 39th post. It was published at 11:09 on Sunday, 2nd November 2003.

This post was filed under:
» University









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