Sky have confirmed that their news channel is to relaunch on October 24th, in an over-sized studio with flashy screens and a spinning desk. Following on from previous practices, rumours suggest that the studio is to be referred to as Skybase, and all presenters will be required to wear coloured jump suits whilst presenting, and interacting with a computer-generated 3D world of flying news-related objects. A corner of the studio will be reserved in case of a formal declaration of war, and at such a moment the desk will spin at high speed to give the appropriate backdrop, whilst pyrotechnics around the desk give the appearance of a giant news-based catherine wheel.

Weather will be presented from the upper floors of the mammoth studio, on the basis that they will be closer to the real weather action happening above our heads. This will be facilitated by an opening roof hatch, which will double-up as a way for Kay ‘Meet the People’ Burley to dramatically board the SkyCopter when opinions are sought on a given issue. A giant tower is also to be erected on top of the studio building, from where comment can be passed on the state of traffic on all Britain’s roads.

It’s going to be great.