Warning: This post was published more than 8 years ago.
I keep old posts on the site because sometimes it's interesting to read old content. Not everything that is old is bad. Also, I think people might be interested to track how my views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have mellowed and matured!
But given the age of this post, please bear in mind:
- My views might have changed in the 8 years since I wrote this post.
- This post might use language in ways which I would now consider inappropriate or offensive.
- Factual information might be outdated.
- Links might be broken; embedded material might not appear properly.
Many thanks for your understanding.
It’s Christmas Eve, and I thought it’d only right and proper to wish all of my readers a Merry Christmas. But just as I was logging on to do so, a startling truth hit me between the eyes: Some of you don’t like sprouts.
Such behaviour is intolerable. The liking or disliking of sprouts may be genetic, influenced by complex environmental factors, and perhaps innate, but it’s still absolutely wrong to dislike them.
For those of you who are unaware, sprouts are extremely nutritious, not to mention delicious. In fact, sprouts are so wonderful that there is simply no other option than to eat them. Everybody in the world should eat sprouts – except, perhaps, those who chose to eat nothing at all.
Climate change and the effect of carbon emissions on the environment are major challenges affecting the future of the world. But so is the curse of those people who choose not to eat sprouts. Curtailing this ridiculous behaviour is crucial to the future of the health of the world’s population.
Just as the Pope sees the minority of people who choose to perform consensual ‘homosexual acts’ in their own home as a target for our derision, I view the subset of society who dislike sprouts as worthy of insult. Just as the Pope believes that homosexuals need to be ‘saved’, I believe the same is true of sprout haters. And just as the Pope believes it reasonable to openly discriminate against the gay community, I will henceforth not accept any input into this website from evil detractors of the sprout. And I would most certainly never offer employment to those nasty, evil, unnatural non-sprout-eaters in any area of life.
Since you have just about as much control of your sexuality as over your sprout preference, I do not think this is unreasonable.
So, to those of you who faithfully read my site and enjoy a healthy serving of sprouts on a regular basis: Merry Christmas.
To the rest of you: Burn in hell.
[ Competing Interests: It just so happens that I can’t stand sprouts. ]