About me
About me



Warning: This post was published more than 14 years ago.

I keep old posts on the site because sometimes it's interesting to read old content. Not everything that is old is bad. Also, I think people might be interested to track how my views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have mellowed and matured!

But given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views might have changed in the 14 years since I wrote this post.
  • This post might use language in ways which I would now consider inappropriate or offensive.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken; embedded material might not appear properly.

Many thanks for your understanding.

A summary of work yesterday through a series of customer induhvidual quotes, cow-orker quotes (Dilbert references, not typos) and one anecdote:

Induhvidual Quotes:

  • “This is ridiculous, I pay a pound for a trolley then have to take it all the way back to the trolley park?”
  • “You think your problems are bad? Imagine you’re a Siamese twin, your twin is gay, you’re not, he has a date tonight and you’ve only got one arse” (I’ll admit that I was somewhat unsure of how to respond to that, it was never covered in training)

Cow-orker Quotes:

  • “Hurry up or I’ll have to whip you with some scotia.” (I think I’m right in saying that Sir Fat Tony was a witness to that one)
  • “There’s a new drugs trend in Yorkshire of injecting directly into the mouth for a quicker hit. It’s been dubbed E-by-gum” (Funny in itself, but I don’t think he realised it was a joke till I laughed)
  • “I’m going home now. You’re not.”


We had a letter of complaint. Somebody wrote to say that they came in and somebody followed them “smilling like a chaser cat [sic]”. They went on to say that when they got home, this “smilling” shop assistant was “flying above the gardon [sic]”. At least, that’s the general gist of it – it descended into indecipherable word lists in parts. This particular letter was from a former employee who went psyhco (literally) while working for us, and got fired after threatening staff with scissors as he thought he was going to be locked out of the shop. We now receive regular letters of complaint from him, as he wants ‘justice’ for being unfairly fired. Despite the fact that he’s mad. So next time I say that place drives me mad…well…maybe it’s true…

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 6th post was filed under: Homebase.

More posts worth reading

What I’ve been reading this month (published 4th December 2017)

What I’ve been reading this month (published 6th November 2017)

What I’ve been reading this month (published 5th October 2017)

‘The X Factor Final’ Liveblog (published 12th December 2010)

A thought (published 20th May 2003)

A sincere apology from me to all of Britain (published 23rd December 2009)

What’s in my daily work bag? (published 3rd February 2015)

Comments and responses

Comment from clara

by clara

Comment posted at 11:47 on 12th January 2008.

er… i’m applying for a saturday job at homebase.

Comment from sjhoward (author of the post)

by sjhoward

Comment posted at 23:30 on 23rd January 2008.

I hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for 😉

Actually, all-in-all, it wasn’t too bad… just frustrating sometimes, much like many other jobs I suspect.

Anyway, I’d love it if you’d post back some time and let us know how you get on – how much has changed in the five or so years since I left?

And good luck in the new job, I wish you all the best!

Compose a new comment


You may use these tags: <a href="" title=""> <abbr title=""> <acronym title=""> <b> <blockquote cite=""> <cite> <code> <del datetime=""> <em> <i> <q cite=""> <s> <strike> <strong> .

If you would like to display a profile picture beside your comment, sign up for Gravatar, and enter your email address above.

By submitting your comment, you confirm that it conforms to the site's comment policy. Comments are subject to both automatic and human moderation, and may take some time to appear.

The content of this site is copyright protected by a Creative Commons License, with some rights reserved. All trademarks, images and logos remain the property of their respective owners. The accuracy of information on this site is in no way guaranteed. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author. No responsibility can be accepted for any loss or damage caused by reliance on the information provided by this site. This site uses cookies - click here for more information.