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About me



Warning: This post was published more than 13 years ago.

I keep old posts on the site because sometimes it's interesting to read old content. Not everything that is old is bad. Also, I think people might be interested to track how my views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have mellowed and matured!

But given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views might have changed in the 13 years since I wrote this post.
  • This post might use language in ways which I would now consider inappropriate or offensive.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken; embedded material might not appear properly.

Many thanks for your understanding.

A summary of work yesterday through a series of customer induhvidual quotes, cow-orker quotes (Dilbert references, not typos) and one anecdote:

Induhvidual Quotes:

  • “This is ridiculous, I pay a pound for a trolley then have to take it all the way back to the trolley park?”
  • “You think your problems are bad? Imagine you’re a Siamese twin, your twin is gay, you’re not, he has a date tonight and you’ve only got one arse” (I’ll admit that I was somewhat unsure of how to respond to that, it was never covered in training)

Cow-orker Quotes:

  • “Hurry up or I’ll have to whip you with some scotia.” (I think I’m right in saying that Sir Fat Tony was a witness to that one)
  • “There’s a new drugs trend in Yorkshire of injecting directly into the mouth for a quicker hit. It’s been dubbed E-by-gum” (Funny in itself, but I don’t think he realised it was a joke till I laughed)
  • “I’m going home now. You’re not.”


We had a letter of complaint. Somebody wrote to say that they came in and somebody followed them “smilling like a chaser cat [sic]”. They went on to say that when they got home, this “smilling” shop assistant was “flying above the gardon [sic]”. At least, that’s the general gist of it – it descended into indecipherable word lists in parts. This particular letter was from a former employee who went psyhco (literally) while working for us, and got fired after threatening staff with scissors as he thought he was going to be locked out of the shop. We now receive regular letters of complaint from him, as he wants ‘justice’ for being unfairly fired. Despite the fact that he’s mad. So next time I say that place drives me mad…well…maybe it’s true…

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 6th post was filed under: Homebase.

More posts worth reading

What I’ve been reading this month (published 4th March 2017)

What I’ve been reading this month (published 6th February 2017)

What I’ve been reading this month (published 31st December 2016)

Medical emergencies at 40,000 feet (published 3rd May 2013)

Photo-a-day 244: Penrith Castle (published 31st August 2012)

‘No glass ceilings’ on poll ambitions, says Kennedy (published 5th March 2005)

Update (published 28th September 2004)

Comments and responses

Comment from clara

by clara

Comment posted at 11:47 on 12th January 2008.

er… i’m applying for a saturday job at homebase.

Comment from sjhoward (author of the post)

by sjhoward

Comment posted at 23:30 on 23rd January 2008.

I hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for 😉

Actually, all-in-all, it wasn’t too bad… just frustrating sometimes, much like many other jobs I suspect.

Anyway, I’d love it if you’d post back some time and let us know how you get on – how much has changed in the five or so years since I left?

And good luck in the new job, I wish you all the best!

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