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About me



Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 14 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. Not everything that is old is bad. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have mellowed and matured.

But given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views might very well have changed in the 14 years since I wrote this post. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find pretty embarrassing today.
  • This post might use language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate or offensive.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken; embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

I needed a toothbrush. So I went to Boots.

Good God, it was complicated. There’s an entire aisle dedicated to them. Toothbrushes! There wasn’t a single one that was ‘just’ a toothbrush. It’s overwhelming. I’ve ended up with a “Colgate Medium Massager”. I’m not sure I want my teeth massaged, but it was the cheapest one there.

I then tried to buy toothpaste, which I thought I might as well get because those Aquafresh pumps get all manked up and go crusty and ewww. So I spotted “Theramed Perfect”, which screams “Unique Stay-Clean Nozzle”. What I don’t understand is why, if it’s so perfect, there are three varieties. Sitting here, it’s occured to me that it is extremely phallic in shape. Perhaps that’s why I was drawn to it. There must be some kind of Freudian analysis to be done (We should ask our resident psychologist, John, but he seems to have died. Or, rather, his participation on here seems to have, though talking to him the other day he probably can’t type following the unfortunate American Pie-esque confusion between lubricant and superglue).

I also visited PoundWorld (just down the road from PoundLand), as it had a large sign in the window saying “SALE – Genuine Reductions throughout the store”. I saw a number of items of interest, and asked an assistant how much they were. She replied, frustratedly, that everything was £1. I asked how it was possibly a sale if everything was the same price as it had already been, and if she could show me where the genuine reductions were. She sighed and walked off. I don’t understand why.

There was one good result of my shopping. I’ve discovered the secret to milk buying…Cravendale. It lasts about three weeks unopened, and a week after you open it, so that’s marvellous. Perhaps milk shouldn’t excite me this much, but it does. I am considering phoning the Cravendale Information Line (0845 600 6688) and making lewd suggestions, it’s that good.

I’ve written a really sarcastic letter to the TV Licensing people, because they keep writing to me telling me they don’t think I’ve got a licence, and I keep ringing them and telling them I have. I’m not entirely sure if it was too much , but I think living alone is making me slowly more eccentric. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. If it makes more shop assistants give up on me and walk off, it’s probably not.

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 65th post was filed under: Headliner.

More posts worth reading

What I’ve been reading this month (published 5th March 2018)

What I’ve been reading this month (published 6th February 2018)

TV I’ve been watching lately (published 9th January 2018)

Saturday (published 8th June 2003)

Notes from a drug user (published 12th March 2007)

‘About that cruise…’ (published 3rd February 2005)

Photo-a-day 48: Angel of the North (published 17th February 2012)

Comments and responses

Trackback from elsewhere on the site

Trackback received at 13:50 on 20th February 2006.

This post has been referenced by another on this site:
sjhoward.co.uk » Death by decisions

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