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Quotes of the Day

The following are all actual quotes from today’s MiC lecture. The lecturer is an anthropologist:

  • “What makes someone a particular age?”
  • “I’ve got to look beyond the grey hair”
  • “SAGA left before lunch to go for lunch in the local hotel”
  • “I keep coming back to buses; they’re very important”
  • “A grunt will always help”

I would like to remind you that I am studying medicine. Given the ‘quality’ of this particular lecturer, it’s probable that there will be more posts like this in the future, because she officially makes NO sense.

And in other news, my new t-shirt has arrived…it’s the one I’ve always said I’d buy – it says “Dressed as…” on the front, and “Tilly O’Shea” on the back. And you haven’t got one. So ner.

I’m being forced (well, practically, anyway) to join a badminton club, mainly because many of my friends are (peer pressure!). I keep trying to explain that I’m utterly crap, but they refuse to understand, claiming that they are ‘beginners’ too. The issue is, I’m NOT a beginner, I’ve played badminton many times, I’m fairly confident on the rules, but I can’t hit the thing. In all other respects, I suppose I’m not a bad player, but hitting the shuttlecock is probably a crucial aspect, therefore I’m crap. I’m also supposed to be joining a book club (I can do that ) and supposed to be going swimming on a regular basis with Sarah (Quite looking forward to that, I used to do a lot of swimming competitions and stuff, it’ll be good to get back into it) – Only snag is, I haven’t found the local pool yet.

That’s your update for now.

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 38th post was filed under: University.

Scrubs

Scrubs is undeniably one of the best comedies on TV. Whilst there are many good things about it (It was Scrubs that introduced me to the dulcet tones of Lazlo Bane, for example) it has also brought with it a whole new level of medical politics.

In the blissful, but less amusing, pre-scrubs era, British doctors had a choice of stethoscope colours: Black or grey. In the post-scrubs era, thanks to Scrubs’s popularity and use of multi-coloured stethoscopes, there is now a much wider choice. This places the first-year medical student in something of a dilemma, as the stethoscope colour you choose inevitably says a lot about you.

Obviously, you can’t go with black or grey because they’re boring. Green is unlucky (or so I’m told ), and red looks, well, blood-like. Pink would be a bold statement, but unfortunately isn’t yet available – the closest is burgundy. Therefore, I chose the wonders of Caribbean Blue. I’m not entirely sure of the connotations associated with this particular colour; after all I’m not a large black woman with big breasts dancing round in a grass skirt (at least not around patients). As such, I thought it was a pretty safe choice. But JRC seemed to disagree, as his initial reaction was “You are joking?”. Well I’m not.

I have a book which includes a section on rectal examinations. Mainly because I’m cruel and like to scare people, I chose to read this section on the train at the weekend. It’s amazing how indiscrete some people are when reading over your shoulder. Since I know you want the highlights…

“Reassure the patient and explain that the examination may be uncomfortable…”
“If anal spasm is encountered, ask the patient to breathe out and relax”
– “Ask the patient to squeeze the examining forefinger with the anal sphincter”
– “After withdrawal, examine the finger for stool colour…”

On the return train journey, I was reading a journal article entitled “Time, Hope and HIV”. I was surprised how few people asked to sit next to me when I was reading it. It seems a good tactic. I’m off on the train again next weekend, so I’ll have to find “Living with Herpes” or “Coming to terms with Leprosy” in the library to make the journey more comfortable.

Someone in my flat has bought one of these . Fantastic fun.

My headphones are dead. This is another thing I discovered on the train. And so I surfed (don’t you just love that metaphor) for a new pair, and ended up ordering an mp3 player – and not a particularly good one at that. I’m not entirely sure exactly how it happened, but it seemed a good idea at the time, and it does come with headphones included.

The staff here at Durham have come up with the single most fantastic way of defining where you can and can’t wear your labcoat, after queries of whether you have to take it off when moving between labs, or if you can keep it on during breaks etc. Instead of creating some beaurocratic and impossible to follow set of rules, they’ve come up with this: You are not allowed to wear your labcoat in carpeted areas. Short, simple and to-the-point. I like it.

Michael (I know far too many Michael’s – half of them should change their name or something), a medical student here, is absolutely fantastic at impressions. I don’t mean he’s good, I mean that he’s better than people you would go and pay to watch doing impressions. He had me in stitches (an unfortunate expression, considering the course) all the way through histology today, doing impressions of the world’s most boring woman, my MiC lecturer, and Scandinavia’s finest export, my biochemistry lecturer.

For the first (and last) time this term, I have no lectures tomorrow. A whole day off. I demand a big shiny medal. And a blowjob. Which apparently is a drink (I discovered this after being sent an email from the MedSoc committee offering me a free blowjob. Imagine my disappointment. Though I did get free pizza, and 12 of the second year lasses are doing a full monty strip for charity at Christmas, so I don’t think my MedSoc membership money was wasted. They also gave me a condom and a lollipop – personally, I would have thought one or the other would have sufficed, but clearly there are some people who are heavily into sucking. But I digress…)

As for the whole Paul Burrell thing , I have one comment to make: “Go Girl!”. He’s written a book, and that’s fine. People write books that are deeply upsetting to people constantly, why should anyone give a toss if his book upsets the royal family? Just because Diana died in a nasty accident six years ago doesn’t mean that somebody’s opinions about her cannot be aired. Get over it. If you don’t want to read it then don’t, but don’t stop the poor bloke publishing it in the first place – I don’t like Star Trek, so I don’t watch it – I don’t try and ban it! If Diana had died six months ago, then I could see that it would be disrespectful, but we’re talking six YEARS here.

I have to interview my Family Project pregnant woman next week. Whilst I’m very grateful, I never understand why these people take part – they don’t get paid, they just have two medical students turning up on their doorstep wanting to ask them personal questions. And on a similar note, I have found a new way of annoying cold-calling sales people: Ask them a completely unrelated question. Wait until they’re in the flow of their spiel, and say something like “Sorry, can I just ask you, do you like doughnuts?”. It throws them completely. Tee hee. Alternatively, you could try asking the Homebase Checkout Girls the same question. Particularly if you’re in the Sotuhport branch between 2 and 6 on a Saturday or a Sunday.

Frankly, I bored now, so I’m going to go and do something else.

Yours truly,

That Weird Medical Student with the Blue Stethoscope

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 37th post was filed under: News and Comment, University.

Thanks

I must thank the following people:

Percival Turnbill
Following Blair’s dodgy ticker story , this fine upstanding gentleman wrote a letter to the Guardian. It consisted of one word:
“Heart?”

Carey Chapman
Another newspaper letter:
“So Diana wrote that ‘X is planning an accident in my car’, but didn’t fasten her seatbelt.”

JRC
For such regular posts on his site

Wendy
For having such a fantastic sense of humour

My MiC Lecturer
For such hilariously boring lectures, filled with useless knowledge (eg Germany’s pessimistic traditional ending to fairy tales – not “…and they all lived happily ever after”, but “…and if they’re not dead yet, they’re still alive”)

Jackie
For making tomorrow’s lecture optional, so I can hop on a train and go home tonight

Mr Muscle
For loving the jobs I hate

You
For reading this

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 36th post was filed under: Miscellaneous, University.

Shameless Plug

I have a fantastic offer on my site at the moment – up to £10 off orders from Splash. The link is that big yellow thing in the middle of the page. I order from Splash quite a lot, and so will be using this offer myself, I reckon.

In other news, it’s raining. It seems to do this every time I go out without a coat, but today it did it in a particularly amusing (though not at the time) way. I was just walking across the Millennium Footbridge , saying how I’d got away with not wearing a coat, when there was a huge lightning flash and thunder, followed by buckets of rain. I got so wet that the clothes I was wearing are now in my shower, drying off.

I ordered four books from Amazon the other day, on free supersaver delivery. They sent each book in a separate box, all of which arrived on the same day, and resulted in the porter thinking it was funny (since they arrived on four separate vans from three different delivery companies). Oh, how he laughed. And today, Blackwells did a similar thing, though they only sent two boxes for three books.

I had to go and buy more glasses (as in the things you drink out of) today, because of my poor washing up habits. I never have any clean ones. Currently, I have three and a mug on my desk. I decided it would be easier to buy more than to wash up more frequently. But this does make me look stupid when I cart four or five glasses from my room to the kitchen. I have a similar problem with emptying my bin – I can never be bothered, so I end up carrying out four or five carrier bags of rubbish at once . I’d worry that people would think I was a freak, but they already know that, I’m only reinforcing the idea.

Last night, Channel 4, Pornography: The Musical was really good. Despite it not being the main focus of my attention, I still can’t get the music out of my head.

I have a pile of work to do, and I desperately trying to avoid sitting down and doing it. If anyone can tell me which bit is the “Upper Respiratory Tract” and which is the lower bit, I’d be happier . Alternatively, you could just tell me what the nerve supply of the visceral pleura is, or basically anything. “Is the visceral pleura sensitive to pain? A simply yes or no will NOT be sufficient, please explain your answer fully”. I don’t even know whether it’s yes or no.

Anyway, I have a session tomorrow which involves examining other people’s nipples. This from the same lecturer who told us to ask friends to help us out with our anatomy. Disturbing.

I’m waffling now to avoid the work, but I’m going to have to do it some time. Go and order some DVDs. Go on. And I’ll go do some work.

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 35th post was filed under: Miscellaneous.


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