Jeremy Clarkson, publishing his bank details in The Sun after half the country’s bank details went missing:

All you’ll be able to do with them is put money into my account. Not take it out. Honestly, I’ve never known such a palaver about nothing.

Jeremy Clarkson, after someone set up a £500 direct debit on his account using his bank details:

We must go after the idiots who lost the discs and stick cocktail sticks in their eyes until they beg for mercy.

There’s no better way to start the week than with a healthy, juicy, oh-so-lovely dose of schadenfreude.