Perhaps they shout at you when you buy something?

Glitzen, who lives at the Metrocentre, is preparing for hibernation until November next year (or thereabouts).

Here’s me with Crimbo, the smallest of the Metrocentre’s oversized reindeer! It’s almost twelfth night, so I guess they’ll have to be dismantled soon!

To my eye, this Christmas “tree” – one of several at the Metrocentre – is spectacularly ugly. It isn’t even festive!

It’s supposed to echo the artwork that you can just about see on the right of the photo. But, if anything, the juxtaposition just makes this particular decoration look even cheaper!

Glitzen is a 40ft tall reindeer. As tall as a house, she’s the tallest reindeer sculpture in the world. This is the third year she’s featured among the Metrocentre’s Christmas decorations, and this year, she has two children with her.

The scale of the sculpture is certainly arresting – far more so, actually, in person than in photographs. The frame is made of over 2km of aluminium, and the sculpture is decorated with over 10,000 fairy lights. I’ve no stats on the new baby ones, but you’ll notice from the picture that each is more than a storey tall.

It’s just slightly depressing to be seeing them in October!

This is the first pop-up Calendar Club that I’ve seen this year – and it seems a depressing reminder that Christmas is coming!

Calendar Club has grown at a remarkable pace since the first 12 stores opened in 1998. It now opens over 300 temporary stores every Christmas, and sells over 4 million calendars from a selection of over 3,000 varieties. These days, it even publishes its own calendars under the Other House label.

One of the most remarkable parts of their business model is their store turnaround time: they aim to open within 24hrs of taking a store’s lease. Minimal turn-around times maximise the company’s profit, but also give it a great reputation with retail landlords who typically want to minimise the number of closed units in their malls… which, in turn, gives the company a stronger negotiating position year-on-year, reducing rents and further maximising profits.

Meet Jolly, one of the many cardboard cutout corgis currently littering the Metrocentre. This is, surely, one of the country’s strangest Diamond Jubilee celebrations…!

At the Metrocentre this evening, I did have to wonder: is there some kind of celebration happening this weekend?!

If you follow me on Twitter, you’ll know that Wendy and I were evacuated from the Handmade Burger Company at the Metrocentre tonight after our meal was rudely interrupted by the restaurant setting on fire…!

One of the downsides of the open kitchen is that the flames were quite clearly visible. Initially, we were told to ignore them, as the gas had been turned off and they’d soon subside. But we were warned that our chips might be delayed.

As the flames persisted, the chef produced a fire extinguisher, which also failed to extinguish the flames.

We were reassured that everything was fine, even as the fire alarms were blaring… it was only when the sprinklers started that the staff decided the time was right for an evacuation… of the whole centre. We didn’t even get our chips!

The picture shows the fire engine that came to the rescue. There may have been more than one, but Wendy and I walked across to the McDonalds on the nearby retail park as soon as we were out – we were hungry!

I guess you could say that our whole evening was flame-grilled, not just out burgers!

Whoever has the slightly dull task of writing business continuity plans for WHSmith branches might want to revisit their work tomorrow morning: this large two-floor branch in one of Britain’s biggest shopping centres is completely closed today. Frustratingly, they haven’t even managed to point out in their “Sorry” notices that the centre’s other branch is open as usual.

In stranger news, just days after I suggested that the shopping centre across the river should invest in a Flight-Stop-esque artwork, look what turns up at the Metrocentre: