A little something to cheer you up for the rest of the day

Originally posted on The LBSC

Holidays are here! Five weeks off! Hurrah! Exclamation marks are great!

Originally posted on The LBSC

I know why you read my rubbish. It’s because you love me.

But why do people read utter rubbish such as Zoo Weekly or Nuts (yes, I do know why, I’m just trying – and failing – to sound incredulous).

Quote from Media Guardian article coming up…

“Emap-owned Zoo Weekly began life as the marginally more tabloid of the two, and has managed to inch even further downmarket.

“Highlights in the current issue include an elephant being induced to orgasm (headline: “Jumbo jet”), a spread of graphic pictures of a high-speed racing crash that severed former F1 star Alex Zanardi’s legs (“a gruesome debris of cockpit and flesh flew into the air”) and a picture of the “world’s biggest natural norks”.

“Compared with this, Nuts feels a bit like Readers’ Digest – albeit a Readers’ Digest that just happens to have loads of features about cars. And a French vampire who “drank blood, ate slices of dead people and committed murder. He’s on the loose now…”. Perhaps he’ll get his own column in Zoo. Comedian Mark Thomas used to have a column there himself, but left after one issue because he did not like being surrounded by lots of pictures of naked women. The fact this took him by surprise suggests he does not read too many lads’ mags.”

It’s not even funny. I mean, “Jumbo Jet”? It’s one level of humour below “Ha ha, you said ‘poo'”. People who read this trash should be shot. Or at least severely maimed.

Talking of being severly maimed, or not, I had a lecture today from someone who had a weird accent, pronouncing V’s as W’s, much like the Blackadder scene. It really does grate after a while of being told about taking blood from weins, and people womiting.

I’m off to find some food now.

Originally posted on The LBSC

I know I’m a medical student and should have gotten over the laughing thing, but when one lecture has eighty-three pages of accompanying notes, I think I can be forgiven for amusing myself with these particular quotes…

“Smelly wind is not your fault”

“Worse still, some of these smelly gases are absorbed into the blood stream and excreted in the breath as well, so that you may smell at both ends: Be warned”

“If you think you have excessive flatus count every time you break wind – even the little silent ones – for a day or so. (If you break wind less than 40 times a day you are normal)”

“It’s natural to feel strongly about stools or faeces”

Originally posted on The LBSC

Blair, March 2003: “I have never put our justification for action as regime change.”

Blair, September 2003: “I can only go one way, I’ve not got a reverse gear”

Blair, March 2004: “We surely have a responsibility to act when a nation’s people are subjected to a regime such as Saddam’s”

Choice Quotes from the 2001 Manifesto:

• “We have a global responsibility to play our part in reducing international conflict”
• “Our armed forces are the best in the world at … keeping the peace where they can.”
• “We will not introduce ‘top-up’ fees and have legislated to prevent them.”
• “We will ensure that the [university] funding system continues to promote access and excellence.”
• “With Labour, by 2004 patients will be able to see a GP within 48 hours”
• “We will give every citizen a personal smartcard containing key medical data giving access to their medical records.”

Originally posted on The LBSC

Excuse me for lowering the tone of this otherwise high-brow symposium of knowledge, but let me share this with you…

Coke’s new Bottled Water product, Dasani (sourced from their Kent Factory Mains Supply – this is no joke, it really is) has a website. If you go to said website and click on downloads you access this somewhat unusual and unorthodox slogan for the product…

“Can’t Live Without Spunk”

That’s one brand of bottled water I won’t be drinking.

Originally posted on The LBSC