I had fifteen minutes to spare. Now I only have eight. Special people will note the significance of the time.

I also know the same Anna – she is in my English class. I don’t think she understands my warped mind. Yesterday, we did some group work analysing texts (Ok, I admit it, I get a kick out of the fact that analysing has anal in it). The particular text our group had to analyse (tee hee) – our group consisting of me, Anna, Danielle, and the Moustached-One (an annoying female) – was a memorial to a man who had been brutally murdered (tied to an iron bed frame and burnt alive, if you must know). Bearing in mind that the other texts were, on the whole, amusing IMHO I made the ironic suggestion that it was a comedy piece satirising funeral speeches, and made reference to the text to support the argument, such as “Souls? Everyone knows they don’t exist! It must be satirising the church”. All were amused, except for the Moustached One and Anna, who clearly didn’t ‘get’ the joke.

Which brings me on to other amusing things in English. Such as my fiend. I did a denotation vs connotation pictorial analysis (hee) of the word ‘fiend’, which is now roughly above my head on the wall. Which leads to clearly amusing comments such as “I think she’s staring at your fiend” and “Your fiend’s still sticking up”. You get the idea. Again, only about three of us understand it, and I still get dirty looks from the Moustached One every time I speak. I am also regularly physically attacked as there are only three males in the class, the other two are off regularly and when I attempt to combat any “typical man” comments, I am somewhat outnumbered.

How did I start all this? I dunno.

Exam meeting tomorrow – the moment of dread. Luckily, John only gets in at two on a Thursday and so will presumably not be present, and so will not be able to celebrate the first anniversary since the last one. Just to reiterate, a fiend was not liberated in any way during that meeting. I also urinate frequently.

Anyway, of the eight minutes I had to spare, I’ve now used…well…twenty. Oops.
Just one final thought…if anyone can impregnate the entire contents of the chemistry and maths A-Level syllabuses in by head in about, say, a day then I’d appreciate it.

Now I’m off to watch the final episode of Season Two of 24. Ahh…the joys of broadband!

Originally posted on The LBSC

The sentence below this one is true.

The sentence above this one is false.

(Mind explodes)

Originally posted on The LBSC

Just for your general information, here is a list of twelve things I have learned over the past few weeks that have surprised me. No particular reason you’d want to know, but look-ee anyway:

1. Of Alcoholics Annoymous’s famous twelve steps, only one mentions alcohol. Despite their much-repeated claims that they are not a religious organisation, step six is: “We are entirely ready to have God remove all these defects of character”.

2. Humans have been cloned at least twice already. They were not, however, carried to full term – effectively, they were “aborted”.

3. Licking toads cannot make you high – bufotenine is not, as commonly believed, hallucinogenic (sorry).

4. Jesus was almost certainly not crucified. In the original Hebrew of the four gospels, only John refers to Jesus being crucified – all the others say he was hanged. It was only 800 years after his death that Jesus was first depicted in the form of the crucifix.

5. Start with any number, eg 32345364397. Count the number of even digits (4), the number of odd digits (7), and the total number of digits (11) – put these together to form a new number (4711) and repeat the process: 1 even, 3 odd, 4 total => 134. Repeat again: 1 even, 2 odd, 3 total => 123. Whatever number you start with, provided you do this enough times, you will always get to 123. This is one of a number of “Mathematical Black Holes”, which are impossible to explain.

6. Animal species are becoming extinct at the same rate they always have – there is no evidence to say that humans have increased this rate.

7. In the vast majority of studies, those who had not participated in AA meetings or attended any other form of treatment had a higher rate of addiction recovery than those who had.

8. At least 50% of US combat soldiers soiled themselves during battle in WWII.

9. Studies have found that parents have little or no long-term effect on their children’s personality, intelligence or mental health.

10. Latin America and Europe have each accounted for a greater number of terrorist attacks than the Middle East and Asia combined.

11. In five places in the Bible (I Samuel 25:34, I Kings 14:10. 1 Kings 16:11, I Kings 21:21 and II Kings 9:8) men are referred to as he “that pisseth against a wall”.

12. Look at an accepted, traditional map of the world, the kind you get on wall maps. On these maps, it appears that Greenland is approximately half the size of Africa. In reality, Africa is fourteen times bigger.

Anyway, that’s my little (!) post for now, hope you learned something!

Originally posted on The LBSC

I’m a reasonable guy. No, really, I am. But there’s something I don’t get. Since the beginning of April, via the wonders of spam, I have been offered:

• 3312 hours free online with AOL
• 45 dates with singles in my area
• 2250 business cards saving me £675
• Almost 5ft of penis extensions
• A 17inch increase in penis girth
• 16 sets of Iraq’s Most Wanted playing cards
• 23 bj’s
• 62 refinance mortgages
• 64 free mobile phones

Can someone explain the concept to me using small words and visual aids?

Originally posted on The LBSC