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Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 14 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have, to put it mildly, mellowed.

I'm not a believer in brushing the past under the carpet. I've written some offensive rubbish on here in the past: deleting it and pretending it never happened doesn't change that. I hope that stumbling across something that's 14 years old won't offend anyone anew, because I hope that people can understand that what I thought and felt and wrote about then is probably very different to what I think and feel and wrote about now. It's a relic of an (albeit recent) bygone era.

So, given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views may well have changed in the last 14 years. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find utterly cringeworthy today.
  • This post might use words or language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate, offensive, embarrassing, or all three.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken, and embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

This really needs no introduction by now…

Dear All,

Hi!

On Friday I’m going to have to make some very difficult decisions about where to place resources in the last days of the campaign. Direct mail, leaflets, posters, telephone calls – all critical investments that will make the difference in our key seats.

Why? I thought the campaign was ‘largely done‘ now. I wouldn’t bother if I were you. I’d take a long weekend, catch up with the family, maybe go fishing.

We know the Tory strategy:

How? Have you been infiltrating their private meetings again?

flooding a small handful of our key seats with messages designed to frighten their way into power.

Your key seats? The Tories are flooding your key seats? I doubt it. I think they’re probably targeting their key seats, actually. Unless you’re so arrogant that you feel that every seat is one of your seats, and it’s terrible that the other nasty parties are stealing them from you.

You’ve seen their posters.

I have. And none of them frightened me. They highlighted important election issues, and asked if I agreed with their point of view on them (which, for the most part, I don’t). But they didn’t put up big scary pictures of the opposition doctored in anti-Semitic ways, did they?

We can beat them, but I need your help.

I’m not wild about that sentence construction. You should have gone for “Together, we can beat them. But we need your help”. But hey, you didn’t. That’s your choice. Oh, and you won’t be getting my help.

Please help us in the next 24 hours.

I’ll help you in the next twenty-four hours as much as I did in the last. Is that okay with you?

Your support NOW can make a huge difference to our campaign in the last few days.

Given that there are eight days left, it seems strange that you’re talking about ‘the last few’. That’s over a third of the campaign to go.

[Link to the Labour website’s donation page]

I’m not even going to show that link, just in case anyone should be tempted to click it.

We have just a few days to stand up and shout loud to Britain

I’m not going to vote for a party that shouts at me – and I suspect I’m not alone on that. I want a party that can put forward reasoned arguments in a rational and considered way. Not the one that can shout the loudest.

if you value economic stability, a free and fair NHS and continued investment in our schools, you have to go out and vote for it.

And which party isn’t promising all of these things? And, as I’ve said before, I can’t vote for those things, because they are abstract concepts and not candidates.

Please dig deep into your pockets tonight so that the seats that need resources will get them. I know you may have donated your money and your time before, but every penny you can spare is so important.

The seats don’t need resources. The candidates need resources. Unless you’re going to be generous, and split the donations between all the candidates contesting these seats.

[Link to the Labour website’s donation page]

I’m still not showing it.

This is our fight for a historic third term Labour government – embedding progressive values for a generation.

I’m still not wild about ‘a historic’, but as a Guardian-reader I can’t really comment. And the values are only ‘progressive’ if that’s the way I choose to view them.

If you value the progress we’ve made, make a donation today.

If you value the lives of soldiers, don’t.

If you want to see opportunity for everyone, not just the privileged few, in our country, then please help us now.

If you want a truly ethical government, you’re even more naive than me. And you shouldn’t support Labour.

If you want to stop Michael Howard’s campaign of fear, help us to make our campaign as strong as possible in the last few days.

Where is this ‘campaign of fear’? I think I’ve missed it. The only campaign of fear I’ve seen is the one that keeps insisting that the Tories will charge for NHS operations (which they won’t), allow the economy to go to pot (which they won’t), and neglect the most needy (which they won’t). That’s your campaign.

[Link to the Labour website’s donation page]

You clearly underestimate my ability to click on a link you’ve already presented twice. If you think I’m that pathetic, you don’t deserve my vote.

Thanks for all you do for us – it really does make a difference.

Well, okay, I’m not sure exactly what it is I ‘do for you’, but I’m glad that you’re happy with my service.

Matt Carter
General Secretary

I bet you won’t be writing all the emails next week. If we don’t see an email proporting to be from Tony Blair within the next eight days, then I’ll post the full lyrics to the Um Bongo song come 6th May.

Now there’s a challenge.

This 538th post was filed under: Election 2005.

Some recently published posts

What I’ve been reading this month / October 2019, 3 minutes long

What I’ve been reading this month / September 2019, 6 minutes long

What I’ve been reading this month / August 2019, 7 minutes long

A flying visit to Copenhagen / July 2019, 9 minutes long

What I’ve been reading this month / June 2019, 6 minutes long

Some random old posts

Some interesting rail statistics (really!) / July 2012, 5 minutes long

Vatican appoints official Da Vinci Code debunker / March 2005, Less than a minute long

Pope meets Hand of God? / March 2005, 1 minute long

aMazing new phone launches today / April 2007, 1 minute long

What I’ve been reading this month / November 2018, 3 minutes long

Script writers needed / January 2006, Less than a minute long


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