About me
About me



Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 16 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have, to put it mildly, mellowed.

I'm not a believer in brushing the past under the carpet. I've written some offensive rubbish on here in the past: deleting it and pretending it never happened doesn't change that. I hope that stumbling across something that's 16 years old won't offend anyone anew, because I hope that people can understand that what I thought and felt and wrote about then is probably very different to what I think and feel and wrote about now. It's a relic of an (albeit recent) bygone era.

So, given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views may well have changed in the last 16 years. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find utterly cringeworthy today.
  • This post might use words or language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate, offensive, embarrassing, or all three.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken, and embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

A summary of work yesterday through a series of customer induhvidual quotes, cow-orker quotes (Dilbert references, not typos) and one anecdote:

Induhvidual Quotes:

  • “This is ridiculous, I pay a pound for a trolley then have to take it all the way back to the trolley park?”
  • “You think your problems are bad? Imagine you’re a Siamese twin, your twin is gay, you’re not, he has a date tonight and you’ve only got one arse” (I’ll admit that I was somewhat unsure of how to respond to that, it was never covered in training)

Cow-orker Quotes:

  • “Hurry up or I’ll have to whip you with some scotia.” (I think I’m right in saying that Sir Fat Tony was a witness to that one)
  • “There’s a new drugs trend in Yorkshire of injecting directly into the mouth for a quicker hit. It’s been dubbed E-by-gum” (Funny in itself, but I don’t think he realised it was a joke till I laughed)
  • “I’m going home now. You’re not.”


We had a letter of complaint. Somebody wrote to say that they came in and somebody followed them “smilling like a chaser cat [sic]”. They went on to say that when they got home, this “smilling” shop assistant was “flying above the gardon [sic]”. At least, that’s the general gist of it – it descended into indecipherable word lists in parts. This particular letter was from a former employee who went psyhco (literally) while working for us, and got fired after threatening staff with scissors as he thought he was going to be locked out of the shop. We now receive regular letters of complaint from him, as he wants ‘justice’ for being unfairly fired. Despite the fact that he’s mad. So next time I say that place drives me mad…well…maybe it’s true…

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 6th post was filed under: Homebase.

Some recently published posts

The Tyne Pedestrian and Cycle Tunnels: eight years on / January 2020, 8 minutes long

What I’ve been reading this month / January 2020, 7 minutes long

Faber Stories / December 2019, 4 minutes long

My favourite books of 2016 / December 2019, 26 minutes long

What I’ve been reading this month / December 2019, 12 minutes long

Some random old posts

Some thoughts on print newspapers / April 2019, 5 minutes long

Cancer Vixen / January 2007, Less than a minute long

Daily Mail claims Su Doku / May 2005, 3 minutes long

Review: The Secret Olympian / September 2012, 3 minutes long

What I’ve been reading this month / December 2017, 4 minutes long

Wetherspoon pubs to ban smoking / January 2005, Less than a minute long

Comments and responses

Comment from clara

by clara

Comment posted at 11:47 on 12th January 2008.

er… i’m applying for a saturday job at homebase.

Comment from sjhoward (author of the post)

by sjhoward

Comment posted at 23:30 on 23rd January 2008.

I hope you know what you’re letting yourself in for 😉

Actually, all-in-all, it wasn’t too bad… just frustrating sometimes, much like many other jobs I suspect.

Anyway, I’d love it if you’d post back some time and let us know how you get on – how much has changed in the five or so years since I left?

And good luck in the new job, I wish you all the best!

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