A summary of work yesterday through a series of customer induhvidual quotes, cow-orker quotes (Dilbert references, not typos) and one anecdote:

Induhvidual Quotes:

• “This is ridiculous, I pay a pound for a trolley then have to take it all the way back to the trolley park?”
• “You think your problems are bad? Imagine you’re a Siamese twin, your twin is gay, you’re not, he has a date tonight and you’ve only got one arse” (I’ll admit that I was somewhat unsure of how to respond to that, it was never covered in training)

Cow-orker Quotes:

• “Hurry up or I’ll have to whip you with some scotia.” (I think I’m right in saying that Sir Fat Tony was a witness to that one)
• “There’s a new drugs trend in Yorkshire of injecting directly into the mouth for a quicker hit. It’s been dubbed E-by-gum” (Funny in itself, but I don’t think he realised it was a joke till I laughed)
• “I’m going home now. You’re not.”

Anecdote:

We had a letter of complaint. Somebody wrote to say that they came in and somebody followed them “smilling like a chaser cat [sic]”. They went on to say that when they got home, this “smilling” shop assistant was “flying above the gardon [sic]”. At least, that’s the general gist of it – it descended into indecipherable word lists in parts. This particular letter was from a former employee who went psyhco (literally) while working for us, and got fired after threatening staff with scissors as he thought he was going to be locked out of the shop. We now receive regular letters of complaint from him, as he wants ‘justice’ for being unfairly fired. Despite the fact that he’s mad. So next time I say that place drives me mad…well…maybe it’s true…

Originally posted on The LBSC

I would have called this “Filling the Hole”, but that would’ve been too obvious, especially for the first post of the month.

So…it’s Sunday morning, and I’m not in bed. Depressing. Though not as depressing as having an exam on Tuesday afternoon and not understanding a single word of it . That’s the fate of those foolish people who fail to revise maths until the last minute. I should know – I’m one of them (and not the only one).

This seemed like a good idea before I started, now I’m realising that I really have nothing interesting to say, and I’m beginning to wonder if I should bail out now?

I watched the West Wing September 11th special that I downloaded this morning. I was reasonably surprised that, in fact, it didn’t even mention 9/11. Still, it was entertaining and interesting, even if it was blatant American edutainment on the subject of Islamic extremist terrorism. Cheery stuff. Aaron Sorkin does a great job writing the show, but there really are groan-worthy educational parts. Like, “Oh, I just realised, I don’t understand the census”…”Here, let me explain it to you in patronising terms that even the lowest common denominator of American society will understand”. Paraphrasing, of course.

I’ve also downloaded and watched Survivor Amazon, which was extremely entertaining, simply because the American contestants actually play the game instead of being nice to each other. Blatant backstabbing and gratuitous nudity from the two models on the show are regularly used to help win the game. The danger is real too, with several serious injuries – unlike our UK versions where we have to have fake danger so that no-one gets hurt. The Daily Mail would be up in arms even more than usual if someone was hurt on TV seemingly for entertainment’s sake.

The Daily Mail is still the most entertaining paper out there, just because it takes itself so seriously. It’s holding its own “Referendum” (read phone-in poll) on the issue of Europe and the new European Constitution. But wait – instead of asking the real question of whether or not people support it, they back away and ask if people think there should be a referendum instead – otherwise, the vote may have opposed their viewpoint and then they’d look silly. Because it’s obviously logical to stage a referendum on whether or not the country wants a referendum.

Changing tack slightly – GTA III . However much I am told it is entertaining, I still fail to see it. I don’t “get” where the entertainment part starts. Admittedly, I’ve only given it about five minutes of gameplay, but it seems to be driving round from place to place in a car, occasionally getting out of it and stealing someone else’s, whilst simultaneously having a choice of thirty-seven thousand different radio stations that would be mildly amusing if they didn’t actually sound like Homebase fm , the ultimate radio parody. Anyone who can stand the clearly automated service that claims to broadcast live whilst having really tedious links like “That’s such a great song don’t you think?” every three seconds should…well…buy a satellite dish and point it at INTELSAT 601, orbital location 27.5 degrees West, or 332.5 East, Transponder 64 on 11502 GHz audio 7.38 and listen to it for the full twelve hours a day. And if that annoying woman says “Hi, I’m Lynn Parsons” again…Why can’t anybody realise that what she really means is “Hi, I’m Lynn Parsons, and I’m stuck in this dead end job on Homebase fm, but give me half a chance and I could be a decent presenter. Please, you, Mr Radio Exec in here buying a few screws (cos we all know you can’t get them anywhere else) give me a job. I’m begging you!” They probably have no aircon either.

I’m beginning to think that bailing out four paragraphs ago would have been a good idea. Plus I’m growing inanely bored. So I’m going to stop now.

It’s OK, you can open your eyes now, I’ve finished.

Originally posted on The LBSC