Another day, another exam…

It appears that I spoke to soon. Today, I faced the legendry Bus Timetable question (“Study the following bus timetable, and work out the best route for Mr Smith to get from home to the hospital”). I don’t really understand the relevance of it, but by the time you’d gone through the follow-on questions (“What would be the most reliable way to communicate this information to Mr Smith?” and “What should you check before giving him this information?”), it racked up ten marks. Which is a surprisingly large number.

Anatomy, however, was pants. I guessed a good two thirds of the questions. It was impossible. But as it’s only worth 30 marks, I’m not too worried. That’s only a few more than the bus question.

I’m sure you’ll be manically depressed in your realisation that there is no exam tomorrow, as I have the day off, and so I won’t be able to regail you with my tales of woe. However, they will be back with a vengence on Friday, following the Multi-choice paper.

Now I’m off down the pub.

Originally posted on The LBSC

Oh, ho ho. Today was…interesting.

Station One: Chest Drains
I did resonably well as I realised that it was a chest drain I was being asked to insert. Other people thought it was a thermometer, a needle, a reflex-testing mallet, or – in one case – a catheter. So far, so good. But then when asked where I would insert it, the examiner’s response was ‘Well, you’ve just pierced his heart and killed him’. Which I thought was a little harsh, a simple ‘No’ would really have sufficed. I got all the stuff on pleural effusions right, though, so it didn’t go too badly.

Station Two: Headache
This basically involved getting a case history from a patient, which I felt went reasonably well, but I did managed to knock my ID badge off half way through the interview. The invigilator obviously though I was having some kind of a fit, since she came up to me (interrupting the interview) with a glass of water and told to to calm down, and that everything would be OK. So maybe I didn’t do as well as I’d thought.

Station Three: Spleen Examination
This was unfortunate. I hadn’t looked in any detail at how to do this, as you usually can’t feel someone’s spleen, so I didn’t think it’d come up in the exam. Oops. Firstly, I should have got him to lay down on a bed. Which I didn’t. And then I should have done the examination properly, which I also didn’t, though I did do some poking about, so may have got some marks. The examiner then started her questions, such as why would the spleen be enlarged, which I didn’t know. So that final station was a bit of a disaster really.

So overall, today didn’t seem to go particularly fantastically. But it’s tomorrow I’m dreading the most, with the non-clinical OSCEs!

Originally posted on The LBSC

Today’s exam wasn’t quite as bad as I’d expected, thanks to the fact that it was largely waffle-based rather than knowledge-based. There were some questions that I completely guessed on (guesses which, as it happens, appear to have been completely wrong) and there were some fairly weird questions (“What would you say to a patient in order to elicit their concerns?”, “You arrive at a community organisation to do voluntary work, and the staff and other volunteers are all busy with clients. Describe six different courses of action you could take.”).

Nothing on the weirdness scale that last year’s cohort received though: “Study the following bus timetable, and work out the best route for Mr Smith to get from home to the hospital”.

So all in all, my first 41 pages (!) of exams have gone reasonably well. One down, three to go.

Originally posted on The LBSC

My exams start tomorrow, and I reckon I know a smaller proportion of the stuff I need to for these exams than for any exams I’ve ever done before. There’s no way on earth that anyone can learn everything we’ve covered. But I only need to pass, and I did OK in the January exams and the assignments, so I don’t really need more than about 50%. Manageable, maybe, but I’m still not exactly confident.

Tomorrow is the DIPSE exam (the big, long A-Level Science style paper). How I do will largely depend on what they ask (well, duh).

Tuesday is my first ever Clinical exam (ie with patients). Having never done anything remotely like this before, I’m not sure how it’ll go. It’s a bit of a funny one in that you can get full marks, and still fail if you do something drastic (like start swearing or wearing inappropriate clothes).

Wednesday is the OSCE exams, which most people hate but I quite like. Bascially, it consists of lots of little papers which you have five minutes to complete. You do the paper, they blow a whistle and you move to the next desk and do the next paper. I like them because if you haven’t got a clue, you can just waffle for five minutes and write complete guesses, and you’re not sat there for a long time wondering about it. You just go with your gut feeling. This is also the exam with the anatomy in it, where you have thirty seconds to answer the question before you move on. This is particularly confusing because you have to remember which way to move round the room, as well as the few things you actually know. Everyone also knows the anatomy staff really well, so you just know they’ll be laughing at your answers if they’re totally useless. That bit, I don’t particularly like.

Then it’s Friday, which is the multiple choice paper, which includes multiple choice questions (surprisingly), some of which have up to 15 different options (though most have only four or five), and also true or false questions. These aren’t too bad, because you either know it or you guess, UNLESS they decide to set a negatively marked paper, in which case I’ll probably wet myself and cry (at the same time).

If I pass, then everything is rosy. If I fail, it’s a bit of a kick in the nuts because it means I have to come back in August and do everything again. But if I’m borderline, then I face the head-exploding concept of a viva, where a panel of three/four people fire questions about ANYTHING on the course at me, and expect me to sit there and answer. Worse still, I won’t find out if I’ve got a viva until about an hour before they start. Major eek. This also means I’ll be having nightmares from now until June 10th, the day of the vivas.

Luckily, though, shortly after June 10th I should (hopefully) be going away with some friends to the weekend. The destination is as yet to be confirmed, but Dublin looks likely. Which will be nice.

So that’s what this week will be like for me.

Originally posted on The LBSC

I’m off to a Pharmacology Party tonight. This basically means I’m going to a friend’s house to do some pharmacology, but the ‘party’ suffix makes it sound more exciting.

My house is coming along nicely, the new windows are in, the kitchen is in, and a lot of decoration has been done. Unfortunately, the bathroom hasn’t been built yet, but I suspose that’s a relatively minor issue. We have requested some seating for outside, which should be nice, and a barbeque (which should be interesting, at least). The weird walls in stupid places have gone, and the burglar alarm is in. It will be nice to be able to sleep in a double bed.

Due to me being a penniless student, I’ve had an HC2 certificate through today to give me free NHS prescriptions, dental care, wigs (!), sight tests, travel to and from hospital and so on. Paradoxically, the bank have increased my credit card and overdraft limits, and Egg are sending me a credit card.

Should I want to, I could go out tomorrow and spend more than £3000 of money I don’t have. And I’m already £3000 in student debts, soon to be £6070. So my financial status is…erm…well…poor.

I have exams next week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, about 16 hours altogether. This is fairly scary, as I barely know enough to fill one hour. I have put in for Mitigating Circumstances though because of my ears (which have now recovered), so perhaps I’ll be alright.

On the flip side, I finish for summer a week tomorrow, which means that (other than one or two small commitments) I will be off until October. Which means I’ll have to get some kind of employment, which is a depressing thought. Maybe I should pretend to be JRC and nick his jobs. No-one will notice, we look so alike. Any suggestions for jobs that won’t make me want to resort to physical violence?

I’ve developed an unhealthy liking for coloured pens, with much of my work now being done in either felt tips or colourful gel pens.

I now have The Day Today on DVD, which is really excellent, and also Look Around You, which I also think is fantastic. “Eating Turkey at Christmas Like Nailing an Egg to the Cross Says Bishop” and “Headmaster Suspended for using Big Faced Child as Satellite Dish” a-go-go.

Eurovision Semis last night. I laughed so much that someone who phoned me thought I was crying.

And so to tomorrow: The last lectures of my first year. I’ll be half way to being hospital-based. With just one more year of knowledge, the ill and diseased people of the North-East (anywhere from Stockton to Tyneside to Hartlepool and everywhere in between) might meet me. Tee hee.

So some woman wants the law changed because her daughter had an abortion without her knowledge. Has she not perhaps asked herself why her daughter didn’t tell her? Perhaps the problem begins at the family level, rather than in the letter of the law. And personally, I think it’s quite right. In every interview I’ve seen, the mother has said that she had to sign two consent form for an appendectomy, and yet wasn’t consulted on the abortion. Perhaps in the twelve months between these operations the girl may have, well, matured? These things happen, and her daughter is clearly no longer a child.

The family solicitor is claiming that the girl changed her mind and now regrets the decision because she ‘might’ have not been told something that she later found out and which changed her mind. Does she not think that in this particular case the doctors involved will have done their very best to stick to the guidelines as closely as possible, explaining everything to the best of their ability?

To me, this seems to be a case of a mother taking legal action against the health service for her poor relationship with her daughter.

On another topic entirely, Eddie Mair was clearly the right choice for the new 7 O’Clock News on BBC Three. He’s very good. And so’s the show.

Yesterday I was forwarded a copy of the full video of Nick Berg’s beheading, and frankly, I wish I hadn’t been. It’s really not something I wanted to see, and it made me feel quite ill. I realise that we’ve done some terrible things in Iraq, far more terrible than even this, but that doesn’t make either action right.

And as for the Mirror, who have published some truly dodgy photos, accept no argument that they did this to highlight any kind of abuse. After all, they paid £5000 for the photos…and then charged everybody who reprinted them… £5000. Thanks for highlighting this so selflessly, Piers.

Originally posted on The LBSC

For the first time, I have missed a lecture due to oversleeping plus my snoring problems. My alarm clock did go off, but I managed to sleep through it, and didn’t awaken until about 10.30 – an hour and a half too late for my lecture.

Luckily, I’ve only missed Histology, which I don’t particularly enjoy anyway. I’ve already printed the notes off the computer system, so it’s not a problem. Well, it is a problem I suppose because it now means I have to write notes on the notes from textbooks, instead of just having everything explained to me while I sit there scribbling it down, but other than that it’s not really a problem.

Not that I’m going to do it again. I’ll have to get someone to wake me up in exam week, I think, in case this happens again.

To summarise: Oops.

Originally posted on The LBSC

Holidays are here! Five weeks off! Hurrah! Exclamation marks are great!

Originally posted on The LBSC

I know I’m a medical student and should have gotten over the laughing thing, but when one lecture has eighty-three pages of accompanying notes, I think I can be forgiven for amusing myself with these particular quotes…

“Smelly wind is not your fault”

“Worse still, some of these smelly gases are absorbed into the blood stream and excreted in the breath as well, so that you may smell at both ends: Be warned”

“If you think you have excessive flatus count every time you break wind – even the little silent ones – for a day or so. (If you break wind less than 40 times a day you are normal)”

“It’s natural to feel strongly about stools or faeces”

Originally posted on The LBSC

Firstly, without wanting to precipitate on Marc’s carnival, why does Robert Winston have any more right to write about the human mind that I do? He’s a geneticist, not some kind of super-duper brain expert (like Susan Greenfield, or whatever her face is, who clearly wanted to be the next Robert Winston, but was too crap). I could’ve written that book, and it would’ve been a lot better if I had. Of that fact I am sure, even though I’ve never actually read it.

Also, whilst we’re Marc bashing, I keep thinking of the name Marcus Bentley constantly today. He’s the guy who did the Big Brother voiceover. I’ve no idea why, but I can’t get his name out of my head. I blame Marc, because of his name.

I suppose, in some small way, this Marc-bashing is replacing my JRC-bashing, which is temporarily on hold now he works six days a week . I don’t. And knowing that he works at Homebase, I feel great sympathy. Warm, cuddly sympathy. Thought JRC-bashing was always a generally more safe practice, given that he’s geographically speaking the furthest person away from me for most of the time.

On an unrelated note (and to actually get to the title of the post), my flat seems to be currently in the grips of Marmitegate. There seems to be stealing of Marmite occurring. This has escalated from “Where’s my marmite?”, to a large black-and-yellow home made sign being erected in the kitchen, warning that a Marmite thief is about and that all Marmite should be securely locked up. As someone who doesn’t like the stuff anyway, it doesn’t really affect me.

Today I have learned how to make someone pee themselves to death. Literally. With all the knowledge on (what I think are) amusing ways to die, I can’t help but wonder why so many depressed doctors do boring things like cut their wrists. Would it not be much more entertaining to be discovered dead in a 25 litre-or-so pool of your own piss? You could flood a room with less than that. I’ve also learned the definite hang-over cure. I would share it with you, but it’s a lot more boring that you might think it is, so I’d prefer to retain an air of mystery around it. Oh, and I’ve also learned that you can kill yourself by overdosing on water. Just plain, boring water. Who’d have thunk it?

In other news, the house I was planning on renting for next year has been offered to someone else. Which means I’ll have to continue house hunting. I blame Marc…after all, his name is only one letter away from March, and everybody knows that in the past, MURDERS have been committed in March!

My Website is now close to making a profit . I’ve added Lazlo Bane lyrics too, so things can only get better.

I’m off to tidy up now, since the Pile O’Work that has been growing for just over a week has finally fallen over. It was over a foot tall. I could rebuild, but that’s probably not the most sensible thing to do.

I have a one hour lecture tomorrow called “How to Kill an Anorectic Cat”. Not entirely sure what that may be about, so I’ll have to report back at a later date.

That’s all for now.

Originally posted on The LBSC

I find many aspects of Windows XP’s design very annoying, and I’ve long wanted to try something like Linux as an alternative – but then there are compatibility issues. And overall, I’ve never found stability problems with Windows XP, and I like the way it does lots of things – besides which, I couldn’t change OS and still be connected to the university network without great difficulty.

So instead of ditching Windows, I’ve just ditched the explorer.exe shell and replaced it with a new, self-penned shell (with more than a little help from Talisman 2). And now I’m happy – I’ve got programs and internet links in happy groups on a kind of task-bar extension to the left of the screen, the normal taskbar with a few changes (most notably it’s reduced size, and the addition of built in Winamp and Volume controls), and a nice circular Analog clock connecting the two at the bottom left. I also have a calendar and retractable desktop panel on the desktop, as well as a Desktop Toolbar complete with PC Power buttons running across the top. It’s very nice.

Changing topic completely… Car magazines. I was in WHSmith the other day, and there were fairly young teenagers deciding which one to buy. This seemed rather disturbing, given that none of them were old enough to drive, but when they selected one on the basis that it came with a free “Car Washing Kit”, things became grossly surreal. What were they planning on doing with it? Probably best not to ask.

Lots of fun in the Dissecting Room today, beginning with the introduction to the session. This is normally done by video, made by the anatomy tutor. Unfortunately, she realised that she’d got left and right the wrong way round throughout, and so instead decided to read the script out loud. A script which began “Ladies and Gentlemen, welcome to this afternoon’s anatomy session”. I think I nearly wet myself. Which would have been appropriate, given that we were doing the urinary system. I was surprised at how small the kidneys are – I’d always imagined them to be quite big, but they’re only about 10cm or so. Quote of the day: Someone commented on how a particular dissected bladder resembled a deer-stalker hat, and somebody managed to come out with: “Don’t take the piss out of the poor thing”. If you are interested in the kidneys and urinary system – and I must warn you that my brother thought he was, until he saw this site and screamed (I can’t really understand why, but I suppose it’s pretty graphic) – visit the Newcastle university Anatom-e (Geddit?) page here .

And my hands smell of the nice Anatomy department soap now, so I’m happy.

Anyway, as usual I have lots of work to do (sympathy please) so I suppose I better do some. Looks like I better do some Ethics. Have a pleasant evening.

Originally posted on The LBSC