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Every musical ever produced to be cast via TV vote

Hold up!

See that little date above?

This post was published years ago.

My opinions have changed over time: I think it's quite fun to keep old posts online so that you can see how that has happened. The downside is that there are posts on this site that express views that I now find offensive, or use language in ways I'd never dream of using it today.

I don't believe in airbrushing history, but I do believe that it's important to acknowledge the obvious: some of what I've written in the past has been crap. Some of it was offensive. Some of it was offensively bad. And there's may be some brass among the muck (you can make up your own mind on that).

Some of what I've presented as my own views has been me—wittingly or unwittingly—posturing without having considered all the facts. In a few years, I'll probably think the same about what I'm writing today, and I'm fine with that. Things change. People grow. Society moves forward.

The internet moves on too, which means there might be broken links or embedded content that fails to load. If you're unlucky, that might mean that this post makes no sense at all.

So please consider yourself duly warned: this post is an historical artefact. It's not an exposition of my current views nor a piece of 'content' than necessarily 'works'.

You may now read on... and in most cases, the post you're about to read is considerably shorter than this warning box, so brace for disappointment.

Musical TheatreEarlier this year, the BBC had a somewhat surprising hit in How Do You Solve A Problem Like Maria? For those with short memories, this was a programme which cast Connie Fisher the lead role in a new stage production of The Sound of Music, through a week-by-week Pop Idol style competition.

Now, the BBC have announced that there is to be a follow-up, Any Dream Will Do. This will follow the same format, but will cast Joseph, a narrator, and a Pharoh for a new stage production of Joseph and the Technicolour Dreamcoat.

At the same time, ITV have announced that they are to produce a show looking for a new Danny and Sandy to play the lead roles in a new production of Grease. As with everything on ITV, Simon Cowell will be judging – alongside David Ian, also known as the most infamous judge of, er, the BBC’s How do You Solve a Problem Like Maria. No blatant copying there, then. And certainly nothing like the Strictly Ice Dancing and Dancing on Ice affair.

I understand that faced with this competition, Five are to sign a deal with Equity to ensure that anybody ever case in anything will have to be a member of the public chosen through a piss-poor TV talent contest. There will be a nightly show hosted by a naked Keith Chegwin going up against Deal or No Deal, and the series will only end once everybody in the country has a role in a musical. Everybody, that is, except for professional actors.

The move will then be superceded by 4, who will decide to give their schedules over 24/7 to a Big Brother style continuous musical, complete with resident orchestra, in which the participants must communicate only through singing, or be voted out to return to their singing day job. The winner will receive a traditional bouquet, and a place on the next series of Strictly Come Dancing – where the couples will be required to sing their own backing tracks whilst also ballroom dancing.

Can ITV not just let the BBC have a hit without feeling the need to copy it down to the smallest detail?

This post was filed under: Media.

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