About me
Archive
About me

Toothbrush

close

Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 16 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have, to put it mildly, mellowed.

I'm not a believer in brushing the past under the carpet. I've written some offensive rubbish on here in the past: deleting it and pretending it never happened doesn't change that. I hope that stumbling across something that's 16 years old won't offend anyone anew, because I hope that people can understand that what I thought and felt and wrote about then is probably very different to what I think and feel and write about now. It's a relic of an (albeit recent) bygone era.

So, given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views may well have changed in the last 16 years. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find utterly cringeworthy today.
  • This post might use words or language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate, offensive, embarrassing, or all three.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken, and embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

I needed a toothbrush. So I went to Boots.

Good God, it was complicated. There’s an entire aisle dedicated to them. Toothbrushes! There wasn’t a single one that was ‘just’ a toothbrush. It’s overwhelming. I’ve ended up with a “Colgate Medium Massager”. I’m not sure I want my teeth massaged, but it was the cheapest one there.

I then tried to buy toothpaste, which I thought I might as well get because those Aquafresh pumps get all manked up and go crusty and ewww. So I spotted “Theramed Perfect”, which screams “Unique Stay-Clean Nozzle”. What I don’t understand is why, if it’s so perfect, there are three varieties. Sitting here, it’s occured to me that it is extremely phallic in shape. Perhaps that’s why I was drawn to it. There must be some kind of Freudian analysis to be done (We should ask our resident psychologist, John, but he seems to have died. Or, rather, his participation on here seems to have, though talking to him the other day he probably can’t type following the unfortunate American Pie-esque confusion between lubricant and superglue).

I also visited PoundWorld (just down the road from PoundLand), as it had a large sign in the window saying “SALE – Genuine Reductions throughout the store”. I saw a number of items of interest, and asked an assistant how much they were. She replied, frustratedly, that everything was £1. I asked how it was possibly a sale if everything was the same price as it had already been, and if she could show me where the genuine reductions were. She sighed and walked off. I don’t understand why.

There was one good result of my shopping. I’ve discovered the secret to milk buying…Cravendale. It lasts about three weeks unopened, and a week after you open it, so that’s marvellous. Perhaps milk shouldn’t excite me this much, but it does. I am considering phoning the Cravendale Information Line (0845 600 6688) and making lewd suggestions, it’s that good.

I’ve written a really sarcastic letter to the TV Licensing people, because they keep writing to me telling me they don’t think I’ve got a licence, and I keep ringing them and telling them I have. I’m not entirely sure if it was too much , but I think living alone is making me slowly more eccentric. I’m not sure if that’s a good thing or not. If it makes more shop assistants give up on me and walk off, it’s probably not.

Originally posted on The LBSC

This 65th post was filed under: Miscellaneous.

Recently published posts




Random posts from the archive

World TB Day / 24 March 2018

Email blunder sends AIDS patients’ names to 800 staff / 28 February 2005

Swing Update / 30 April 2005

French say ‘Non’ to 2007 / 04 January 2007

Show me the New Money! / 31 March 2005

Photo-a-day 276: Sandman Signature / 02 October 2012




Comments and responses

Trackback from elsewhere on the site



13:50
20th February 2006.

This post has been referenced by another on this site:
sjhoward.co.uk » Death by decisions




Compose a new comment

I'm not taking comments on my blog any more, so I'm afraid the opportunity to add to this discussion has passed.


The content of this site is copyright protected by a Creative Commons License, with some rights reserved. All trademarks, images and logos remain the property of their respective owners. The accuracy of information on this site is in no way guaranteed. Opinions expressed are solely those of the author. No responsibility can be accepted for any loss or damage caused by reliance on the information provided by this site. This site uses cookies - click here for more information.