A word of warning about drinking directly from cans of drink without washing them first. Madagascar’s La Gazette de la Grande Ile (6 April 2004) reports the tale of a woman who had taken a boat trip with friends and drunk from a can of drink she’d put into the boat’s refrigerator. She was taken ill and died two days later. The postmortem revealed she had died of fulminating leptospirosis, and examination of the can confirmed it had been contaminated with rat urine, which had dried on the top.

BMJ 2004; 328:1446 (Jun 12, 2004)

Originally posted on The LBSC

www.subservientchicken.com

If this isn’t the most entertaining thing I’ve seen in the last hour, then paint my nipples and call me Rita.

Originally posted on The LBSC

I’m off to a Pharmacology Party tonight. This basically means I’m going to a friend’s house to do some pharmacology, but the ‘party’ suffix makes it sound more exciting.

My house is coming along nicely, the new windows are in, the kitchen is in, and a lot of decoration has been done. Unfortunately, the bathroom hasn’t been built yet, but I suspose that’s a relatively minor issue. We have requested some seating for outside, which should be nice, and a barbeque (which should be interesting, at least). The weird walls in stupid places have gone, and the burglar alarm is in. It will be nice to be able to sleep in a double bed.

Due to me being a penniless student, I’ve had an HC2 certificate through today to give me free NHS prescriptions, dental care, wigs (!), sight tests, travel to and from hospital and so on. Paradoxically, the bank have increased my credit card and overdraft limits, and Egg are sending me a credit card.

Should I want to, I could go out tomorrow and spend more than £3000 of money I don’t have. And I’m already £3000 in student debts, soon to be £6070. So my financial status is…erm…well…poor.

I have exams next week. Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Friday, about 16 hours altogether. This is fairly scary, as I barely know enough to fill one hour. I have put in for Mitigating Circumstances though because of my ears (which have now recovered), so perhaps I’ll be alright.

On the flip side, I finish for summer a week tomorrow, which means that (other than one or two small commitments) I will be off until October. Which means I’ll have to get some kind of employment, which is a depressing thought. Maybe I should pretend to be JRC and nick his jobs. No-one will notice, we look so alike. Any suggestions for jobs that won’t make me want to resort to physical violence?

I’ve developed an unhealthy liking for coloured pens, with much of my work now being done in either felt tips or colourful gel pens.

I now have The Day Today on DVD, which is really excellent, and also Look Around You, which I also think is fantastic. “Eating Turkey at Christmas Like Nailing an Egg to the Cross Says Bishop” and “Headmaster Suspended for using Big Faced Child as Satellite Dish” a-go-go.

Eurovision Semis last night. I laughed so much that someone who phoned me thought I was crying.

And so to tomorrow: The last lectures of my first year. I’ll be half way to being hospital-based. With just one more year of knowledge, the ill and diseased people of the North-East (anywhere from Stockton to Tyneside to Hartlepool and everywhere in between) might meet me. Tee hee.

So some woman wants the law changed because her daughter had an abortion without her knowledge. Has she not perhaps asked herself why her daughter didn’t tell her? Perhaps the problem begins at the family level, rather than in the letter of the law. And personally, I think it’s quite right. In every interview I’ve seen, the mother has said that she had to sign two consent form for an appendectomy, and yet wasn’t consulted on the abortion. Perhaps in the twelve months between these operations the girl may have, well, matured? These things happen, and her daughter is clearly no longer a child.

The family solicitor is claiming that the girl changed her mind and now regrets the decision because she ‘might’ have not been told something that she later found out and which changed her mind. Does she not think that in this particular case the doctors involved will have done their very best to stick to the guidelines as closely as possible, explaining everything to the best of their ability?

To me, this seems to be a case of a mother taking legal action against the health service for her poor relationship with her daughter.

On another topic entirely, Eddie Mair was clearly the right choice for the new 7 O’Clock News on BBC Three. He’s very good. And so’s the show.

Yesterday I was forwarded a copy of the full video of Nick Berg’s beheading, and frankly, I wish I hadn’t been. It’s really not something I wanted to see, and it made me feel quite ill. I realise that we’ve done some terrible things in Iraq, far more terrible than even this, but that doesn’t make either action right.

And as for the Mirror, who have published some truly dodgy photos, accept no argument that they did this to highlight any kind of abuse. After all, they paid £5000 for the photos…and then charged everybody who reprinted them… £5000. Thanks for highlighting this so selflessly, Piers.

Originally posted on The LBSC

To mark the special occasion of the First Anniversary of my First Post on the LBSC, I shall repost the Genesis of my time on this board…

Spam

I’m a reasonable guy. No, really, I am. But there’s something I don’t get. Since the beginning of April, via the wonders of spam, I have been offered:
– 3312 hours free online with AOL
– 45 dates with singles in my area
– 2250 business cards saving me £675
– Almost 5ft of penis extensions
– A 17inch increase in penis girth
– 16 sets of Iraq’s Most Wanted playing cards
– 23 bj’s
– 62 refinance mortgages
– 64 free mobile phones

Can someone explain the concept to me using small words and visual aids?

So what’s changed since this time last year?

• I get a lot more spam, though not so many Penis Extensions any more.
• I have a nephew
• I have five more A-Levels
• I have seven months of medical training
• I’m a little less reasonable, and a little more eccentric
• I now have one of the mobile phone contracts whose adverts used to annoy me
• I’m a year older
• My email address has changed
• I have much larger debts
• I no longer work at Homebase
• I still post on here
• I’ve developed an un(?)healthy liking for Apple Juice
• I spend most of my time in a completely different part of the country
• For the most part, I have completely different friends
• I tend to get headaches more frequently
• I shower, rather than bath, more often
• I still eat Honey Loops for breakfast
• I now drink from plastic cups and eat off paper plates
• I get out more

So there you go.

Just in case you’re worried, this post isn’t coming to you live, it was pre-recorded last week. I don’t usually pre-record my posts, but I wanted this one to be just right.

Originally posted on The LBSC

This being my ninety-ninth post, I thought I’d compile my own list of ’99 Things I Want to do Before I Die’. In no particular order. This should be interesting, as I don’t know if I have a long enough attention span to reach ninety-nine, or even whether there are ninety-nine things I particularly want to do. Let’s find out…

1. Qualify as a doctor

2. Do a parachute jump

3. Go paragliding

4. Make a billion

5. Lose a million

6. Write a textbook

7. Write a bestselling novel

8. Visit all seven continents

9. Drive / Be driven across America

10. Drive / Be driven across Australia

11. Visit the poorest parts of Africa

12. Visit the richest parts of America

13. Meet a US President

14. Complete a marathon

15. Give a million away

16. Go in to space

17. Pay someone to cook and clean for me

18. Invent or discover something revolutionary

19. Be the Time ‘Person of the Year’

20. Win an Oscar / Bafta / Booker Prize / Nobel Prize or similar

21. Visit one / both of the Poles

22. Fly a plane

23. Make a fire the old-fashioned way

24. Own several houses

25. Make something useful

26. Go on a rock star rampage

27. Get completely lost

28. Own a log cabin

29. Star in a wildly successful TV series

30. Release a wildly successful single

31. Be a guest voice on ‘The Simpsons’

32. Go through the ‘Basket’ till with a trolley full of goods separated into many different transactions

33. Pull off a hoax that is reported as truth in a national newspaper

34. Plant a tree

35. Live completely alone for a month or so

36. Stage a ‘punctuation crusade’

37. Become a highly influential politician

38. Become a regular columnist in a national newspaper

39. Present a highly successful radio show

40. Find a hat that doesn’t make me look stupid

41. Own a house with an indoor swimming pool

42. Travel in a submarine

43. Go on a cruise

44. Live on a houseboat

45. Get married [provided I find the perfect partner]

46. Drive / Fly around the country / world, visiting a different branch of McDonalds each day

47. Live in a foreign country (where English is not the predominant spoken language)

48. Relearn Latin

49. Have a home that is fitted entirely with a Home Automation System

50. Help someone in desperate need

51. Eliminate early mornings

52. Travel first class. Everywhere.

53. Achieve a world record

54. Have a portfolio of highly successful businesses

55. Teach

56. Save a life (Hopefully more than one)

57. Read all the books I own

58. Have more time to read the newspapers

59. Employ a Personal Assistant

60. Stage a ‘grammar crusade’

61. See a total solar eclipse

62. See a total lunar eclipse

63. Visit Greece

64. Take a tour of the White House

65. Own the complete Oxford English Dictionary

66. Take part in a successful campaign to have Sport News removed from main News Bulletins, except for special events

67. Appear on Newsnight in person

68. Write a Will

69. Appear on Question Time in person (as part of the panel)

70. Stage a successful series of concerts

71. Make a difference

72. Plan my own funeral

73. Be transiently world famous

74. Own a Segway Human Transporter

75. Sit on a jury

76. Buy an obscene number of Toasted Marshmallow Jelly Beans

77. Travel in a Hot Air Balloon

78. Present an award

79. Employ a butler

80. Have a positive impact on as many lives as possible

81. Have a negative impact on as few lives as possible

82. Have a neutral impact on even fewer lives

83. Become transiently infamous throughout the world

84. Write (though not necessarily publish) an extensive autobiography

85. Become qualified in psychiatry

86. Make a historical mark on the world

87. Learn how to wrap presents in a half-way decent manner

88. Have a piece of artwork made by me displayed in a famous gallery

89. Be there at a time when I’m needed

90. Learn basic handywork skills

91. Learn about basic car maintenance

92. Be instrumental in ending / preventing a war in a peaceful manner

93. Abseil down something big

94. Make an arch-enemy

95. Visit Times Sqaure on New Year’s Eve

96. Learn to play the Harmonica

97. Stay at a Disney theme park over Christmas

98. Go to the Olympics

99. ‘Astonish the World’

Well there we go, I made it…with a little help from my friends and several websites.

I’ll let you know when I’ve done them all!

Originally posted on The LBSC

For all of my present buying fans who missed my birthday and are looking for some excuse to buy me a gift, I have exciting news.

This is my ninety-seventh post. My hundredth is not far away. (Although I have recently deleted a post from the archives, and with good reason, so my calculations will be one post out if you try and count).

Secondly, Friday marks my first anniversary. It will be one year since my first post here on The LBSC, which is clearly going to be an emotionally happy occasion. I’ve already authored my very special post which will go online this Friday. I hope you will enjoy reading it.

If I get chance, I may well post twice more before Friday, so that my Anniversary post and Centenary post coincide. How lovely would that be?

As for what’s actually going on at the moment, I’m busy revising for my exams. Which is depressing. But never mind…in three weeks’ time, I’ll be off until October. Provided I pass my exams, of course…

Originally posted on The LBSC

But I don’t want to.

Here’s a birthday treat from me to you. With all of the constant exposés in the papers of the lives of former celebrities, have you ever found yourself wondering, “What ever happened to Alvin, Simon and Theodore?”. The Chipmunks tell the real story, here.

My ears still feel like construction of the bacterial equivalent of the Channel Tunnel is well underway, thanks to me being blighted for two weeks (it’s the two-week anniversary of the bacteria moving in today) with Otitis Externa.

And in other news, I am the only person to have noticed that Tony Blair has NOT, repeat NOT announced that he will hold a referendum on the EU Constitution? In his speech he promised a referendum before the introduction of the Euro, but only that “The electorate should be asked for their opinion” on the EU Constitution. He apparently asked for our opinion on stuff in the Big Conversation. And besides, if he’s only asking for our opinion that does not stop him from saying that we’re just poorly informed, and going ahead with it anyway.

That’s all for now. I’m sure that my LBSC Birthday Present much just be delayed in the post.

Originally posted on The LBSC

The joys of owning a website… I’ve tweaked sjhoward.co.uk’s design template, and thrown in a Forum to boot, if you wish to populate it with your wit. Or, if it goes the same way as Tilly Talk , your comments on…well, let’s not go there.

In other news…well, there isn’t any really. All I can say is that I’m into week four of my Easter break, and I’m really not doing much at all, besides the occasional bit of work (Booooo!). And stuffing my face with chocolate, and reapplying for my Student Loans etc. for next year (You had £3000 of debt…But We don’t want to give you that! You now have £6000!).

Well done to Lancashire County Council for improving the PR1 form massively, it’s still a 24-page killer but at least it now includes the loan application instead of that being another 24-page form. Why the first question can’t just be “Are you carrying on from last year and wanting the same loan arrangements? Y/N” I really don’t know. Think how many trees would be saved. And well done on getting Internet Applications set up too, even though I’m far too lazy to use it (Hell, if you make a mistake on the net version it’s obviously your fault…if you mess up on the handwritten one you can blame the person who has to type it into the computer at the other end). Boooo to the DfEE or whatever it is these days for failing to produce the explanatory booklet in time to be sent out with the form. You should be ashamed of yourselves. HANG YOUR HEADS.

I think I have an ear infection.

Just seven days left of being 18, I hope you’re all saving up for some humungous online birthday present. A statue in my horour in Trafalgar Square or something small like that will be fine, thanks. Don’t go naming any buildings or planets after me or anything, unless you really want to.

I can’t get enough of that Mexican Pot Noodle advert. It’s the best ever.

Two words (I use that term in the loosest possible sense) that should be banned NOW: ‘Bling’ and ‘Flava’. Just ban them.

I’ve just thought of the freakiest thing. I hate Dubya. Dubya was the governer of Texas. Texas was Homebase’s original name. I hate Homebase. It’s a perfect circle of hate. [Angelic Ahhhhh]

That’s all I have to say now, I’m off to find a little drinkypoos. Goodnight.

Originally posted on The LBSC

A little something to cheer you up for the rest of the day

Originally posted on The LBSC

I know why you read my rubbish. It’s because you love me.

But why do people read utter rubbish such as Zoo Weekly or Nuts (yes, I do know why, I’m just trying – and failing – to sound incredulous).

Quote from Media Guardian article coming up…

“Emap-owned Zoo Weekly began life as the marginally more tabloid of the two, and has managed to inch even further downmarket.

“Highlights in the current issue include an elephant being induced to orgasm (headline: “Jumbo jet”), a spread of graphic pictures of a high-speed racing crash that severed former F1 star Alex Zanardi’s legs (“a gruesome debris of cockpit and flesh flew into the air”) and a picture of the “world’s biggest natural norks”.

“Compared with this, Nuts feels a bit like Readers’ Digest – albeit a Readers’ Digest that just happens to have loads of features about cars. And a French vampire who “drank blood, ate slices of dead people and committed murder. He’s on the loose now…”. Perhaps he’ll get his own column in Zoo. Comedian Mark Thomas used to have a column there himself, but left after one issue because he did not like being surrounded by lots of pictures of naked women. The fact this took him by surprise suggests he does not read too many lads’ mags.”

It’s not even funny. I mean, “Jumbo Jet”? It’s one level of humour below “Ha ha, you said ‘poo'”. People who read this trash should be shot. Or at least severely maimed.

Talking of being severly maimed, or not, I had a lecture today from someone who had a weird accent, pronouncing V’s as W’s, much like the Blackadder scene. It really does grate after a while of being told about taking blood from weins, and people womiting.

I’m off to find some food now.

Originally posted on The LBSC