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MediaGuardian ‘Worse than the Sunday Sport’

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Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 14 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have, to put it mildly, mellowed.

I'm not a believer in brushing the past under the carpet. I've written some offensive rubbish on here in the past: deleting it and pretending it never happened doesn't change that. I hope that stumbling across something that's 14 years old won't offend anyone anew, because I hope that people can understand that what I thought and felt and wrote about then is probably very different to what I think and feel and wrote about now. It's a relic of an (albeit recent) bygone era.

So, given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views may well have changed in the last 14 years. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find utterly cringeworthy today.
  • This post might use words or language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate, offensive, embarrassing, or all three.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken, and embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

I’ve always liked reading MediaMonkey, as regular readers will know, but this tickled me so much that I’m going to have to reproduce it here:

On this sunny Friday afternoon, Monkey has nothing better to do than rifle through the departing editor’s email inbox and has decided to run a competition for the most entertaining exchange of the last five years. And the triple crown goes to Piers Morgan, the new proprietor of the former journalist’s bible, the Press Gazette. We start after MediaGuardian.co.uk ran a story that Jane Goldman, Jonathan Ross’s wife, was in the running to take over from the Mirror’s TV critic, Charlie Catchpole. Sit back and enjoy…

13.19. 26/03/2001. From p.morgan@mirror.co.uk
“She was never on the bloody list. EVER. Why on earth would she be? You’re worse than Sunday Sport you lot. At least they ring and check if I’ve had a kinky threesome with Anna Nicole Smith and Pamela Anderson. They still run it, but they CHECK. Which makes them one step ahead of you, who just flies it.”
After an email explaining it came from a good source.
“Dear Clueless, It’s so wrong as to be laughable. I don’t want anything from me on there denying something that’s bollox. I was merely advising you of the fact. And please spare me the ‘good sources’ claptrap. Since the first I have heard of Ms Goldman’s name was on your website perhaps you could explain who these people are and I will fire them and send them to you lot for retraining as incompetent retard luvvies.”

Ping. A further exchange.

“Listen luv, I am obviously not getting through to you very well. Rusbridger might not know what his arse and elbow are doing in the newsroom when it comes to hiring and firing due to the ‘collegiate’ atmosphere of your tawdry little rag – but I take more of a Corleone view. If someone gets ‘whacked’ or ‘made’ then I clear it. And I am telling you, for the last time, that Jane Goldman has never been considered for the job. For the simple reason that she has not and never will be a bloody TV critic. Now I know it’s hard to admit you’ve dropped a complete clinker but just remove the fucking thing from the website before you make yourself look even more stupid than I am beginning to suspect you might be. Then just sit there quietly drinking your Ethiopian expresso and munching your lentil sandwich and hold your head in disgusted shame. Which is, I believe, a preferred mode of expression for you these days.”

Oh dear, Piers is beginning to make the former Sky TV boss, Sam Chisholm, look like a charm school graduate.

Ping. Another email arrives.

“I wish to deny that I have AIDS, syphilis and herpes (Though I admit it would make me an incurable romantic). Now just remove it for god’s sake. IT’S A LOAD OF BOLLOX.”

Just for the record then, it was a load of bollox and Monkey is down on all fours (as requested) with a belated apology to the new owner of the Press Gazette.

Since ‘leaving’ the Mirror, Piers really has done well for himself, and you have to admire the fact that he’s making numerous puditry appearances here and there, instead of fading into relative obscurity. Well done him. And good luck to him with the Press Gazette, too.

This 628th post was filed under: News and Comment.

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