About me
About me

Merry Christmas to those who like Sprouts


Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 11 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have, to put it mildly, mellowed.

I'm not a believer in brushing the past under the carpet. I've written some offensive rubbish on here in the past: deleting it and pretending it never happened doesn't change that. I hope that stumbling across something that's 11 years old won't offend anyone anew, because I hope that people can understand that what I thought and felt and wrote about then is probably very different to what I think and feel and wrote about now. It's a relic of an (albeit recent) bygone era.

So, given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views may well have changed in the last 11 years. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find utterly cringeworthy today.
  • This post might use words or language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate, offensive, embarrassing, or all three.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken, and embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

It’s Christmas Eve, and I thought it’d only right and proper to wish all of my readers a Merry Christmas. But just as I was logging on to do so, a startling truth hit me between the eyes: Some of you don’t like sprouts.

Such behaviour is intolerable. The liking or disliking of sprouts may be genetic, influenced by complex environmental factors, and perhaps innate, but it’s still absolutely wrong to dislike them.

For those of you who are unaware, sprouts are extremely nutritious, not to mention delicious. In fact, sprouts are so wonderful that there is simply no other option than to eat them. Everybody in the world should eat sprouts – except, perhaps, those who chose to eat nothing at all.

Climate change and the effect of carbon emissions on the environment are major challenges affecting the future of the world. But so is the curse of those people who choose not to eat sprouts. Curtailing this ridiculous behaviour is crucial to the future of the health of the world’s population.

Just as the Pope sees the minority of people who choose to perform consensual ‘homosexual acts’ in their own home as a target for our derision, I view the subset of society who dislike sprouts as worthy of insult. Just as the Pope believes that homosexuals need to be ‘saved’, I believe the same is true of sprout haters. And just as the Pope believes it reasonable to openly discriminate against the gay community, I will henceforth not accept any input into this website from evil detractors of the sprout. And I would most certainly never offer employment to those nasty, evil, unnatural non-sprout-eaters in any area of life.

Since you have just about as much control of your sexuality as over your sprout preference, I do not think this is unreasonable.

So, to those of you who faithfully read my site and enjoy a healthy serving of sprouts on a regular basis: Merry Christmas.

To the rest of you: Burn in hell.

[ Competing Interests: It just so happens that I can’t stand sprouts. ]

This 1,384th post was filed under: News and Comment, , , , , .

Some recently published posts

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Some random old posts

How David shrank as he faced Goliath / January 2005, Less than a minute long

Review: Alan Turing: The Enigma by Andrew Hodges / August 2012, 5 minutes long

Sticking up for Blair (Just this once) / November 2003, 1 minute long

Times Poll / February 2005, 1 minute long

It’s my birthday / April 2005, Less than a minute long

Review: Best Kept Secret by Jeffrey Archer / April 2013, 6 minutes long

Comments and responses

Comment from Mort Karman

by Mort Karman

Comment posted at 15:40 on 26th December 2008.

I guess you are sprouting something.
No more rotten egg plant!
Squash the Squash!
Up with Cherries and Blueberries!
And a Happy New Year to you and all the readers.

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