I know why you read my rubbish. It’s because you love me.

But why do people read utter rubbish such as Zoo Weekly or Nuts (yes, I do know why, I’m just trying – and failing – to sound incredulous).

Quote from Media Guardian article coming up…

“Emap-owned Zoo Weekly began life as the marginally more tabloid of the two, and has managed to inch even further downmarket.

“Highlights in the current issue include an elephant being induced to orgasm (headline: “Jumbo jet”), a spread of graphic pictures of a high-speed racing crash that severed former F1 star Alex Zanardi’s legs (“a gruesome debris of cockpit and flesh flew into the air”) and a picture of the “world’s biggest natural norks”.

“Compared with this, Nuts feels a bit like Readers’ Digest – albeit a Readers’ Digest that just happens to have loads of features about cars. And a French vampire who “drank blood, ate slices of dead people and committed murder. He’s on the loose now…”. Perhaps he’ll get his own column in Zoo. Comedian Mark Thomas used to have a column there himself, but left after one issue because he did not like being surrounded by lots of pictures of naked women. The fact this took him by surprise suggests he does not read too many lads’ mags.”

It’s not even funny. I mean, “Jumbo Jet”? It’s one level of humour below “Ha ha, you said ‘poo'”. People who read this trash should be shot. Or at least severely maimed.

Talking of being severly maimed, or not, I had a lecture today from someone who had a weird accent, pronouncing V’s as W’s, much like the Blackadder scene. It really does grate after a while of being told about taking blood from weins, and people womiting.

I’m off to find some food now.

Originally posted on The LBSC