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Sky News to relaunch on October 24th


Hold up! Before you read on, please read this...

This post was published more than 13 years ago

I keep old posts on the site because I often enjoy reading old content on other people's sites. It can be interesting to see how views have changed over time: for example, how my strident teenage views have, to put it mildly, mellowed.

I'm not a believer in brushing the past under the carpet. I've written some offensive rubbish on here in the past: deleting it and pretending it never happened doesn't change that. I hope that stumbling across something that's 13 years old won't offend anyone anew, because I hope that people can understand that what I thought and felt and wrote about then is probably very different to what I think and feel and wrote about now. It's a relic of an (albeit recent) bygone era.

So, given the age of this post, please bear in mind:

  • My views may well have changed in the last 13 years. I have written some very silly things over the years, many of which I find utterly cringeworthy today.
  • This post might use words or language in ways which I would now consider highly inappropriate, offensive, embarrassing, or all three.
  • Factual information might be outdated.
  • Links might be broken, and embedded material might not appear properly.

Okay. Consider yourself duly warned. Read on...

Sky have confirmed that their news channel is to relaunch on October 24th, in an over-sized studio with flashy screens and a spinning desk. Following on from previous practices, rumours suggest that the studio is to be referred to as Skybase, and all presenters will be required to wear coloured jump suits whilst presenting, and interacting with a computer-generated 3D world of flying news-related objects. A corner of the studio will be reserved in case of a formal declaration of war, and at such a moment the desk will spin at high speed to give the appropriate backdrop, whilst pyrotechnics around the desk give the appearance of a giant news-based catherine wheel.

Weather will be presented from the upper floors of the mammoth studio, on the basis that they will be closer to the real weather action happening above our heads. This will be facilitated by an opening roof hatch, which will double-up as a way for Kay ‘Meet the People’ Burley to dramatically board the SkyCopter when opinions are sought on a given issue. A giant tower is also to be erected on top of the studio building, from where comment can be passed on the state of traffic on all Britain’s roads.

It’s going to be great.

This 741st post was filed under: Media.

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